


Hero

by atticess



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Songfic, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25588735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atticess/pseuds/atticess
Summary: Some of Winter Soldier's thoughts after meeting Captain America for the "first" time.
Kudos: 1





	Hero

Chaos - that was the only accurate thing to describe what was going on his mind. Thin border between feeling every emotion at the exact same time; that is when sadness comes with happiness, shame with proud, hate with love, and state of complete emptiness killing from the inside, leaving only unfaded scars. Bucky didn't know who he was. He didn't want to feel any human emotion anymore, not after when he could take a sober look at them.

Humanity had complex of superiority. Crimes, which they had committed, were named for the higher good, if government's mistakes could give civilians better lifes. When people thought they're on the top of the world, in reality they tried to hide that they were falling for the bottom. 

And he was no different. Puppet of those, whom he couldn't object. Used for dictators' of war goals and if he wouldn't be necessary for them, they would avoid him like a broken prop. He wasn't standing out from similar ones to him - obedient for commands, unable to make an act on his own. When world started to crash, he could only watch and think about consequences. 

He did want to change it. He was fed up with living in shadows. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw millions of terrible scenes, which has taken place beside him - and what is worse, from his fault. He heard victims' screams, shots, he felt breathtaking smell of the smoke, blood and fear. He didn't remember himself from the past years. Has he ever been someone more than a villain deserving equally villainous faith?

And one day, as normal as any other, he appeared on his way. Another hero, ready to fight for the innocents, for freedom, for his ideals. Obedient people like him, servings for the homeland and its people, ready to take his own life for what he loved. Certain that world may be fixed. Giving example not only by his acts, but primarily revising some truths. He believed in good, in people, in changes. Actual opposite of killing machine, which ran out of sympathy or mercy. If so, would anybody think that this description of liberty's victory could recklessly lend out a helping hand to a murderer, whose bloody hands couldn't be erased by anything after all this time?

However, he stared to trust him. Knowing so well who he is standing against, he still thought about changing him. No matter what he came from, he saw that spark of righteousness, a potential, which has burned with a light flame - as how it was back in the day - in Bucky. Although Winter Soldier could hurt him with one move, he hoped he wouldn't do that.

Someone once told me, love would all save us. But how can that be? Look what love gave us. World full of killing and blood spiling. That world never came.

Barnes admired him for this. Even when facing the biggest danger, when the blackest script was coming up, he was able to give everything keeping in mind that it's going to be better. He counted on going back to the past old days. Next time when he's going to fight, he's also going to have his most trustworthy ally. He was patiently managing every hit, still believing that it's last time when they're against each other. He was ready to stay with him to the end of the line, no matter how this line would look like.

James also wanted to believe in that. If it was the last battle fighting not for himself, but for his bosses, he wouldn't need to give up with his old self anymore. He desired only freedom, which his enemy-friend was fighting for. He wanted to forget every victim's eyes fulfilled with fear and deserve their forgiveness. He wanted to feel as free as the world Steve was fighting for.

Part of him, which he wanted to avoid so badly, whispered that it should be like that. That was his duty. Although he regreted every sin and he got up after every fall, he couldn't actually rise up. He couldn't be a hero. He didn't deserve a life like that after what he has done.

Was it still him or someone else? How much left was there from Bucky Barnes? After all these years, who exactly was Winter Soldier?

And they say that a hero can save us. I'm not going to stay here and wait. I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles. Watch us we all fly away, high.

Now that the world isn't ending, it's love that I'm sending to you. It isn't the love of the hero, that's why I fell it won't do.


End file.
